Summer

I bury my calloused feet into the blazing sand and I smile
Up at the cloudless sky as the Sun’s rays beamed downed lazily…

Even Poseidon himself is enjoying this day as his waves
Crashed into the beach recklessly, allowing his divine
Touch to reach my toes… I greet him cheerfully and
Lay back, honored to be in such company.

As I lay there, I become thankful for all of the beauty
The gods have offered us—a warm summer day—a glass
Of great wine with genuine friends—your side glances and smile
When you don’t think I’m looking…

Just like how Antheia ensures that there are blossoming
Hibiscus and peonies when Persephone returns to Demeter
You have ensured that flowers bloom in a part of my heart
I forgot I even had—a part that has endured some terrible winters.

And although my heart is only filled with buds of hope for now—
I’m delighted to see the brightly colored begonias and sunflowers
They will be growing into.

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For you*

I just wanted to feel your body pressed into mine,

Although you are so quiet, I believed you to be

My private lover, with a mind that is divine,

And I wish you for you to be curling into me.

I kept these musings to myself

Out of fear you don’t feel the same,

Because if you did, I would be beside myself

And I will no longer be sane

My feelings for you are the deepest I’ve felt

And if you said the same, I think I’d melt.

*I’m publishing this rather impulsively and would love/prefer some constructive criticism on this please.

I made the decision to go back to school this semester. I’m going to my alma matter as a non-degree seeking student, and I’ll hopefully finish my graduate writing sample over the next couple of days so I can send out all of my applications. I’m applying to a handful of schools–one of them being Columbia, but that’s my “long shot” because I want to see if I can get in. I’m not going to get my hopes up on Columbia, though.

Also, right before Christmas, my best friend and I have decided that we will be moving in together and are planning on applying to all of the same schools. 2014 was a really rocky year for me, so by going back school and focusing on getting my master’s, it’s giving me the fresh start I needed. Although it had been rough, if it hadn’t been, I would have kept pushing off going back to school. I do miss working full time, but I know this is definitely for the best. I’m excited to see where this new adventure takes me.

2 AM Anxiety

Splashing water on my face, I look in the mirror

Eye lids heavy with dark circles,

And I haven’t slept in days.

Hands shaking, body trembling,

I collapse into a pool of tears.

My pulse is doing jumping jacks

Is this what a heart attack feels like?

No, no, no. I’m fine, I tell myself quietly.

But I know it isn’t true.

And as much as I would like to vent,

It never helps.

What I really need is for you

To pull me into your chest,

Stroke my hair, and tell me everything

Will be okay.

But I know that’s too much to ask,

And at the end of the day, it’s all my fault.

Nativity

An angel takes a nine day tumble into hell in effigy

Artificial lights twinkle down, clinging to the bar like moss

My stomach is filled with coffee and alcohol and cigarettes,

I think my arm is bleeding.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Fill our lives with bullshit holiday decorations,

Pretending that sparkling red and green lights are going to make us happy.

We put our faith in invisible mathematicians

And old men who break into our houses to give our children junk

But behind closed doors, we’re lying and chasing our sadness with booze and pills.

A shitty cover of a popular song blares out, and I break my glass

Spilling vodka and cutting my hand.

I want it all to end, for all of the noise to stop.

But a tiny flash is keeping me going, the last shred of hope I have.

The Girl in the Black Box

The girl, led by bubbling hope, entered His world,

Believing it was filed with fields of bright green grass

And dozens of pink and blue flowers.

Within days, He was able to enchant her by

Giving her pixie dust and teaching her to fly.

He then fed her pomegranate seeds, ensuring

That she couldn’t leave His kingdom anytime soon.

She soon realized, of course, that His world

Could have the occasional cloudy or rainy day.
But that was to be expected because no world is

Completely perfect.

At first, the cloudy days were rare. The more green

Fields and blossoming flowers He showed her,

The more she thought she was falling in love.

It wasn’t until one day when they were frolicking

Amongst the Pegasi and pixies until the first oddity

Occurred—a volcano erupted for the first time since

She had entered His world.

She brushed it off as merely an obstacle that could be

Easily overcome; little did she know that there was still

Heat simmering underneath the surface.

Weeks passed until the next eruption occurred—this

One even messier than the first. She asked what was

Wrong, and He told her it was her fault. Fire blazing

Behind His eyes, He angrily asked if she truly cared

For Him, claiming that if she did, she would do more

To prove it.

Frightened, she swore that she did, which soothed Him

For now. Once He appeared completely calm, she became

Happy once more. However, she tread carefully, fearing

That she might upset again.

Soon after this outburst, her closest friends came to

Visit. She gave them a grand tour before introducing

Them to Him. Some of them grew concerned that He

Was very watchful of her, of them; she gave their concerns

Some thought and brought them to His attention, to see if

He would compromise or at least put them to rest.

Instead, it caused another eruption.

The lava spilled over, causing all of the pixies

To take flight. He banished her friends from

The land and once again questioned her love for

Him, wondering if she truly loved him, she

Would have defended him instead of giving into

Her friends’ concerns.

Terrified, she cowered behind a boulder swearing

That she wouldn’t let her friends misguide her again.

She promised Him that she would cut off all ties

With those friends, even if it caused her great pain

And she felt lonelier than she ever did before.

More time passed, and the eruptions started occurring

More and more frequently. Although He used just words

With her and never caused her any physical harm, she

Grew increasingly more fearful of Him, but didn’t ever

Dare to leave because she thought He was the only one

Who made her feel loved.

Soon, His world became less and less beautiful.

The pixies and Pegasi all disappeared for she would no

Longer play with them, and the only person she had to

Talk too was Him.

After the pixies left, the flowers all withered and the grass

Turned brown and the more time she spent with him, the more

She became afraid to have an opinion different from His in case

It would cause another eruption.

Shortly after the flowers withered, a wanderer had entered His realm.

This wanderer had only one motive in mind, but as this wanderer was her

Only contact other than Him, she truly believed this wanderer was trying to be nice.

This wanderer created a fire in a part of the world where the grass was still green.

The wanderer offered her wine, which she drank, before he wrapped his fingers

Around her neck and took what wasn’t even offered to him.

When the girl ran crying to Him and told Him what happened,

He spat in her face and told her that she wanted it,

That the reason why she didn’t fight back—even though
Her life was threatened—is because she was sick of being

Around Him.

When she wailed that it wasn’t true and showed Him

Her bruises, He locked her in a box and told her their

Love would be a secret from there on out, claiming

That He made many enemies.

While He kept her in the black box, He went off to war in

Asserting that He had many enemies to fight off.

And yet, she started realizing that He was simply being paranoid

And mistrustful of her when it was she who should be mistrustful of

Him. As she was locked in the box, the concerns of her friends started

Ringing through her mind once again.

What He didn’t realize was that he should have fed her the pomegranate

Seeds again before He took off for the alleged war, because while her

Friends concerns started turning into her own concerns, she managed

To break free of the black box.

Once out she saw that He taken up with another girl while He kept locked up.

A girl who had the same bubbling hope she once had, a girl much younger than her,

A girl much too for Him.

She took His preoccupation with this other girl to run,

And she ran as far as she could.

When she returned to the real world, she looked at herself in the mirror

And saw a pale, bruised girl she didn’t recognize.

She then decided that she never wanted to be that girl again.

She wanted to be strong for herself and she wanted her story

Heard so this couldn’t happen to other girls ever again.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted since May. I’ve been busy for the past couple of months and I haven’t found much time to write or post. A lot has actually happened since then–I had a couple of odd jobs here and there, but I started working at the nonprofit that I interned for the summer before my last year in college. I rescued a gray tabby right after Memorial Day weekend and named him Fang. He’s living up to his name as he has been known to beat up his older brother who is more than twice his size. I had also went to Orlando for a weekend with a close friend of mine, and I’m currently planning a trip to Maryland to visit the roommate I had last year. Currently, I’m working on a poem to post on here and I’m starting to outline my first novel. All in all, my summer has treated me very well, and I hope it has treated all of you equally! I look forward to posting my next piece on here within the next few days.

Love,
Reba